It's Mine!
by Kuro-Cha'Nay'Nay
Summary: Kasuka is pregnant with Shizuo's child...Or is he? /Crack fic/. 30 Day OTP Challenge, Day 4!


**Warnings:** Incest-y, cursing, pure crack. :D Enjoy!

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"Shizuo… Do you have a minute? There's something I need to tell you." Kasuka walked into the room, a dejected look on his face. "Yeah, sure. What's up? The blonde set his newspaper down and took a sip of his coffee. Kasuka took a seat at the table, nervously squirming in his chair.

"I think... I may be pregnant." Shizuo nearly choked on his drink. "What?!"

The younger brother nodded. "Not only that, but I think it may be yours."

"Kasuka, Don't make jokes like that! You know damn well that we ever had se-"

"Oh? Have you already forgotten the incident last month? We were insanely drunk.."

Shizuo stayed quiet for a few moments. "...Oh... That was….Uh."

Kasuka sighed. "Well, I guess I can't blame you. We were so out of it that we honestly didn't know what we were doing."

"….Well, okay, maybe it did happen, but you clearly identify as a man. How- "

"Shizuo. It doesn't matter what gender I identify as. You're more than aware of the fact that I'm a hermaphrodite. Yes, I consider myself a male, but that doesn't mean my female parts have magically disappeared. They're still there whether I want them to be or not.."

Another short silence. "...Are you absolutely sure that it's mine?"

"Yes! I haven't been with anyone besides you for the past couple of weeks."

"...Shit , Kasuka." Shizuo gritted his teeth. "If you really are pregnant... This isn't going to end well. The baby will probably have all sorts of birth defects. We are siblings, after all."

"Yes, I'm aware of the consequences." Kasuka gently took his brother's hand. "Although, I refuse to abort it. That's not something I believe in. I don't expect you to develop romantic feelings towards me, but I just want to know that you're going to stay by my side through this whole ordeal."

"I don't really have any other choice, now do I?" Shizuo sighed, placing a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. "You don't have to worry. I'll be here for you, I promise." He wrapped him in a hug. "Whatever happens, We'll get through it. Okay?"

"Good." Kasuka nodded. "Because I was kidding."

Shizuo immediately pulled away and stared at him in shock. "Wait, you're telling me this is all a joke?" Kasuka nodded once more, the slightest hint of a smirk crossin his lips. "Yup."

"Asshole ! You had me terrified!" Shizuo growled, irritably slapping his brother's arm. The older man let out a deep sigh as he rubbed his forehead. "Well, this is a relief. At least you're . I'm definitely NOT ready for a kid."  
Kasuka blinked. "Oh, no! I'm pregnant, of course. It's just not yours." Shizuo was in for yet another horrible shock. You lied about that, too?! What the fuck?! You said you hadn't been with anyone since me…Then whose is it?! "

"IT'S MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!" Izaya burst through the front door, a huge smile on his face. Shizuo froze, dropping his mug and allowing it to shatter when it hit the tile floor. _"What.__"_

"Yeah! I didn't know how to break it to you, oniisan, so I thought I'd make a joke first." Kasuka replied. "Izaya and I have been dating for about eight months, actually. I just never told you since I knew how upset you'd be." Izaya  
grinned, wrapping his arms around Kasuka's shoulders. "Aren't you happy, Shizu-chan? You're going to be an uncle! And after we get married, I'm going to be your BROTHER-IN-LAAAAAAW!" He said the last part in a happy, sing-songy tone.

Shizuo, on the other hand, was far from happy. He clenched his hand into a fist so hard that he ended up drawing blood.

"I—ZA—YA!" He bellowed, picking up the table and lunging it at his sworn enemy. "YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Izaya cackled loudly, pulling both him and Kasuka out of the table's range. The table ended up slamming into the wall behind them and creating a huge hole, along with an enormous cloud of dust. The informant winked at his fiancé before hurrying out the door. "Don't worry, Kasuka, I'll come back later after dear Shizuo is done with his tantrum."

"HOW DARE YOU GET MY BROTHER PREGNANT!" Shizuo screeched, chasing Izaya down the street with a butcher knife. "I'LL KILL YOU!"

And Kasuka was left behind to laugh hysterically at the whole ordeal, while Shizuo's neighbors were poking their heads out their windows as they wondered what the fuck had just happened.

THE END.

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**XD HAHAHAHAHHA. THIS IS SO MESSED UP, BUT I DON'T EVEN CARE. I had waaaaaay too much fun writing this. Today's theme was a complete freebie, meaning I could erase the current theme and write about anything I want! Review? Please? I'd appreciate it! XD**


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